Lost
by Sundowhn
Summary: This is a kind of "what if" story about Kurt Wagner and what the bamfs at the JGS might be. It's a partial glimpse into the afterlife and what influence he might still exert over his friends.
1. Chapter 1

**_Disclaimer: Characters are the property of Marvel, I make nothing from this. A big thank you to those who have done proof-reading or offered insight; you know who you are. :)_**

**_Prologue_**

_Time runs differently here. There is no tomorrow. My yesterdays are my todays, and they play out before me in an unceasing parade. I've been given ample opportunity to say to myself "I should have done this" or perhaps "I shouldn't have said that". What ifs buzz around my face like a swarm of mosquitoes._

_Every remembered smile, or laugh, or embrace, is sustenance for my soul. When I'm convinced I'll go mad and finally release my mind to the void at last, it is the memory of Kitty's contagious giggle from her earliest days with us, or Logan's steadfast arm over my shoulders, that give me courage. Ororo's smile, painted in my mind's eye, is a beacon in the darkness. Even now, Charles' hand reaches out to me in friendship and acceptance, saving me from myself. _

_The words hastily hurled in anger, the opportunities not taken and now lost forever, the bitterness and self-doubt, the regrets – they are the anchors that weigh me down, drawing me inexorably closer to oblivion. Those yesterdays are my hell. _

_Where am I? Surely, I don't know. I am nowhere. I am everywhere. _

_Sometimes, it seems as though I walk down a never-ending corridor towards an end that grows steadily farther away. It is a hopeless, tiring journey. My footsteps echo hollowly, like the final beats of a dying heart._

_At other times, I sit in a vast darkness, lit only by the theatrical procession of yesterdays. They flicker before me, the grainy footage of my life. There is no up, no down, no self, only a memory of who I once was, and that is fading._

_But sometimes...sometimes it seems I am home. In fact, I'm quite certain of it. I can hear the voices of my friends surrounding me, like a warm embrace. I catch the scent of Logan's cigar or Betsy's perfume hanging in the air, and I reach out to...nothing. They are as insubstantial as mist. I see them though, my friends who are my family. Their images waver before me, as if I'm gazing through a pool of water. They move through their lives without noticing me. I call out to them, but my voice is lost in the dull roar of silence. _

_I follow them, on occasion, seeking to break through the invisible barrier that keeps us apart. I'm nothing if not persistent. _

_I sit across from Logan as he drinks a beer, lost in thought. I keep waiting for him to pass me one, and the recalled taste dances in my mouth, frustrating me. I try to make jokes, just so I can see his careworn face break into one of those rare smiles, but punch lines are useless on deaf ears. _

_I curl my tail underneath Kitty's hair as she reads, tickling her ear. It's something that never fails to annoy her, but I wait, ultimately in vain, for that familiar, playful swat. _

_I wander through Ororo's garden, following her, surrounded by the drowsy scent of roses. I long to pluck one of the blooms and place it in her hands, as I've done before. I wait for the moment when she turns to me, and briefly, our eyes meet. "Ororo?" I call, my heart leaping as I reach out to her, but now her eyes see through me and she walks away. _

"_Gott, what have I done to deserve this?!" I shout, sinking to my knees in the dirt. There is no answer. There is never an answer. _


	2. Chapter 2

_Chapter Two: Dust in the Attic_

The diminutive fellow sat perched on an attic rafter like some sort of goblinish overseer, watching his brethren below. His stick-thin legs bent out at sharp angles, much like those of a frog ready to jump. Long toes as well as an opposing digit on his heels dug into the wood grain for purchase. His arms rested on his knees, the two-fingered hands dangling limply in front of him. Restlessly, his tail flicked and coiled behind him. A bright red bandana was wrapped around his waist, tied securely. It denoted his importance and rank and he was quite proud of it. He'd retrieved it from The Box, stored in this out-of-the-way room and covered by the dust of nearly forgotten memories.

The Box was very important to him and to his clan. It had the Answers. The Tall Ones might understand if they only looked in The Box, but no one had ever bothered.

He listened for awhile to the fast-paced chatter of the others, spoken so rapidly that it sounded almost like hissing. To the folk that lived in the mansion below, it probably did. They certainly showed no sign of understanding anything unless the clan made an effort to use the slow, cumbersome speaky words the Talls favored. Well, the dragon understood, but then he was far more intelligent than his chosen companions.

Red Sash's mastery at understanding the Tall words was a small part of what set him apart from the others, and why he was respected – at least as much as his people were willing to respect anyone. The other, more important thing, was that he was the one who most often had the Dreams. They had all experienced them, from time to time, but the Dream Voice spoke more frequently to Red Sash than anyone else. The Voice was what gave the clan direction and purpose, at least when they bothered to listen.

Raised voices broke Red Sash from his reverie. A minor altercation had broken out over a bottle of fire water. The two combatants scrabbled on the dusty floor in a tangle of blue limbs, and puffs of brimstone-smelling smoke were left behind as they vied for position. Red Sash contemplated intervening. True, he did enjoy a good brawl, but he liked exerting his authority even more. Decision made, he teleported down to the floor.

"Enough! Stop this foolishness!" He pushed the two smaller fellows apart and curled his tail around the disputed beverage, just for safe-keeping.

"He started it!"

"Did not! You took my fire water!"

"It's not yours, it belongs to Slimey Sweeper!"

"He was too slow to catch it, it's mine now!"

"Share! You're as greedy as a Tall!"

The accused gasped his indignation. "You take that back!"

"Will not!"

"QUIET!" Red Sash roared. An attic mouse was disturbed from her nesting by the overly loud squeak and looked up.

"All this silliness over fire water! Why do you argue? Slashy Claws has many bottles in his room. Go there and get enough for everyone."

There, that was settled. Red Sash preened self-importantly and adjusted his belt. He enjoyed a long swallow of liquid reward as the two quarrelers disappeared to do his bidding with the soft sound of imploding air.

Nimbly, he hopped onto The Box, the place he used to address the others when he wanted their loyal and undivided attention. They knew when he was there, something Important would be said. Clearing his throat and holding his hand up in a grandiose gesture, he called out, "Everyone listen! I've had a Dream!"

"Another one?"

"How many is it this week?"

"Doesn't the Voice have anything better to do than talk to you?"

"Let go of my tail!"

"Race you to the kitchen!"

"I SAID I've had a Dream!" Red Sash yelled, stomping his foot petulantly, his tail lashing.

Slowly, the others settled down to listen, a few giggling as they swung in the double hammock of a lacy stolen undergarment, but others with impatient sighs and poorly masked boredom. _Ooh, the responsibilities of leadership_. Red Sash gritted his teeth. _No one appreciates me._

"So, get on with it. Things to do, you know." A voice called out from somewhere in the back of the room.

Red Sash narrowed his gleaming yellow eyes and tried to determine who'd said that. He was met with innocent looks.

"Yes, well..." He took one last surreptitious glance around to make sure everyone was paying attention. "The Voice says the time grows close. We're to finish the Gathering before the moon is full again."

Voices of protest rose up at that.

"Finish the Gathering?! Are you crazy?"

"We're nowhere near done!"

"How're we suppose to get past Brain Itch and Slashy Claws?"

"I didn't sign on for this! I want hazard pay!"

"Lockheed says we deserve workman's comp for bodily damages!"

"Let's start a union!"

"Yeah! What's a union?"

Red Sash hopped up and down on his cardboard pedestal trying to regain control of the meeting. "I'm not done! All of you shut up! The Voice said..."

"Who cares?!"

"Tell the Voice to do His own dirty work!"

"We've been his eyes and ears for months already!"

"Yeah, you tell Him to deal with Half Face and Green Thing! My tail is never going to work right again!"

"SILENCE!" Red Sash shrieked, his thin chest rising and falling rapidly with his ire. "Show some respect! Without the Voice, we wouldn't even be here! Do you really want Him to send us back to the Nothing?!"

The room slowly grew quiet again, as his fellow clan members sulked and muttered, none of them wanting to provoke that awful fate.

Trying to regain his dignity, Red Sash moderated his voice. "I know how hard everyone has worked. We'll be rewarded, and the time is soon. The Voice told me the long road is unwinding. The Echo nears, bringing the future. The now has already been crossed by the past, as prophesied."

Red Sash was pleased to hear an excited gasp from the crowd. Now he had them.

"Truly?"

"Is that who they are?"

"I thought they were a bunch of dumb baby Talls!"

"What's our reward, did He say?"

"A lake of fire water?"

"A house made of pizza?"

"Girls?"

"I want a motorcycle!"

"You're too small to drive one!"

"Just a little one..."

Red Sash cleared his voice loudly to regain their attention. "He's never said, but I'm sure our reward will equal our efforts. Now, I'm giving everyone new assignments."

He pointed to the ones on the makeshift brassiere swing. "You three, to the lab. Retrieve Fuzzball's notes...the correct ones this time." This was met with muttering, which he ignored.

"You, attend Ghost Girl." He gestured at two more of his clan who now wore broad, toothy smiles. That assignment entailed frequent belly rubs and chocolate treats. "Arrange a reconnaissance with the dragon while you're at it, and find out what he knows. Just try not to make him suspicious."

"Aw, why do they get the cushy job?"

"Not fair!"

"Hush!" Red Sash pointed to the complainers, "you can both watch Boom Flower." Somewhat mollified, they nodded. She at least had a tasty garden.

Three of the craftier ones were chosen to go through the library files again, seeking out certain arcane texts that remained stubbornly hidden. A half dozen were sent to listen to what the students were saying. Several of the less intelligent clan members were to keep tabs on Brain Itch and Pointy Butterfly. _At least if they're caught, _Red Sash mused, _there's not much in there to be discovered._ Two were given poorly sewn overcoats and socks and sent to follow Frostbite. Two were sent to man the communications center and another group to watch the outside perimeter. The rest were gatherers.

"Now, I need a pair of brave volunteers."

The clan all seemed to find interesting things to examine on their toes, none meeting his gaze.

"Come on! Are you all as spineless as the Tall Ones?!" He eyed them severely.

"Er...well..."

"Funny you should mention it..."

"I'm spineless and proud!" This was met with scattered applause.

Drat, they all knew what this last job was. Red Sash would have to pull rank. He pointed out the two largest and most brash of his people. "You and you. Your job is to follow Slashy Claws. In addition, find what he did with the last Relic and bring it to me."

Their shoulders slumped and one of the poor fellows took on a green cast.

"But...but Leader, you know what happened to the others." The listening crowd gave a collective shudder and murmured sympathetically.

"I don't want to be shish kebab!"

"All we found was poor Neeno's tail!"

"We don't even know what the last Relic is! How do we find something if we don't know what we're looking for?"

Red Sash pondered that. "Look for something he guards carefully, like his pamphlets of unclothed females." He nodded sagely, pleased with his own wisdom.

"I thought you liked me, Leader!" This was said with a small, heartbroken sniffle.

"I do! I do like you, that's why I have such absolute faith in you both." Red Sash draped his arms around each of them companionably. "Buck up, boys. Your reward will equal your efforts, remember?"

The sniffler gave a weak smile, but the other one muttered, twisting his tail between his hands in consternation.

"You'll be fine, just stay downwind and avoid his stabbity claws." Satisfied that he'd done his best to bolster their confidence, Red Sash finished with a final command. "Fall out! The Voice has spoken!"

"Fall out where?"

"What are we supposed to fall out of?"

"Can I bamf instead of fall? It hurts less."

Red Sash covered his face and groaned. _Why me?_ "You know what I mean! Now GO!"

"You don't have to get snippy!"

"Jeez, give him a bit of cloth and he thinks he's an emperor!"

"Bossytail!"

The attic was filled with a series of air implosions and acrid smoke. _Finally!_ Red Sash hopped back to his rafter to finish enjoying the disputed fire water, now _his_ property.


End file.
